Changes For Essay (Late)

Based on the writing conferences it is evident that I need to make my thesis more clear and concise.I also would like to make the identity a bit more clear as well seeing as that is the assignment. Those are my two primary focuses in editing this draft. The content of my paper was positively received and was described as focused and staying on topic. Little change will be made to the content by I do intend to put more details into each individual topic.