Thursday, November 25, 2010
State of Essay 2
Having written a rough draft for essay 2 and turned it in, I would say that the essay is alright at this point in time. I dont believe its too over the top though. I dont see it as overdone or underdone. I believe I put the right amount of time into it, but there always room for improvement. Particularly, I'd want to see if my argumentation is done well. For essay 1 I was critiqued for doing more summarization as opposed to argumentation and that is definitely something I would like to fix. Personally, I'd also like to include West's article a bit more into the essay. Considering the prompt is to use West's framework to analyze a blog, I want to incorporate her findings and methods more in order to strengthen the essay. The methods may even help me to further discern identity and thats always a good thing.
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You sound confident with where you are with your essay, nice. West's article is certainly a pretty big factor in the essay, perhaps you should try paralleling your analysis with hers? Compare her methods to yours?
ReplyDeleteYou have a good thesis statement and incorporate West's article in very well. Your first body paragraph does a really good job of explaining Sam's identity. you analyze it pretty well, but it could be improved a little bit. The second body needs analysis you have a really good start with West's ideas, but now you need to bring that to how it is shown in your blog more and how they connect. The third body is very well written you write what West does then what Sam does and you analyze it and connect it very good job. Your Fourth body does well explaining how Sam's funny personality is shown out even though he is in school I liked how you did that.
ReplyDeleteA lot of what Tyler said. I to like the thesis, you make it clear what you intend to do and that is always a good way to start. Got a couple of really long bodies that I could see being spit into smaller chunks, but that really comes down to personal preference I think. You do have some very nice explanations in your paper, and I can see you have really come to understand this person from your readings. You make him sound like an interesting and understandable fellow, well done on that. Overall, a pretty darn good paper sir!
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